The Art of Naming

Whether you're deciding on a book title or cover, an author name, a store name,  a logo design, or even a child, 

Don't make it:

1. Don't make it unpronouncable. (applies to all of these). 

2. Don't make it indecipherable.

(logo and store name) For a while I was sure the clothing store in the mall was named "Crackpot." It was really "Jackpot." The store didn't last six months. Some graphic artist's ego got in the way of good business sense.

(book title and book cover) If the customer can't easily distinguish what the title is, they can't ask for it. Unless the author is very well known, the title on the cover should be larger than the author's name. Usually we don't have much or any say in the book cover design. But if we do, we should comment tactfully if something doesn't work.

3. Don't make it so long that a customer can't accurately remember it.

4. In the case of a child's name, I'm so grateful my parents used the first initial of my late aunt's name and not her exact name. I would have changed it as soon as I was legally able to do so. Names go out of style or can be identified with someone unsavoury.

5. Also, for a child's name, use sensitivity.  Don't make your child the object of ridicule at school before opening his or her mouth.

What were the parents of "Inertia" thinking?! (I'm not making that up.) Humphrey Bogart had to learn to fight early.

Do make the name:

- Memorable if possible. Don't follow trends.

- Unique, but don't sacrifice logic, readability, and ease of pronounciation

- Use your own author name if you like. But, again, consider shortening it to an easier pen name. It needs to fit comfortably on the book spine in a big enough typeface to be legible. You don't really need all those middle names. It's a book, not a passport. Sometimes an initial, or nothing, is better.

- When in doubt, err on the side of simplicity.

Deco Owl Press logo was designed by

 https://www.streetlightgraphics.com/

How to Succeed at...

 ...almost anything

Finding the perfect spouse

1. Go on a blind date in which the person introducing you knows you only superficially and mistakenly attributes your parents' interests to you. (M)

2. Reveal your family's darkest secret on that first date, thereby potentially scaring away your date. (me)

3. Give your date a humour challenge. (me)

4. Be funny. (M)

5. Be lucky, despite all of the above.

Winning at horse races

1. Decide you and your three accomplices will only bet to a certain limit and stop when you've lost that amount.

2. Whimsically choose a horse because you like his or her name.

3. Make a mistake when betting. Instead of choosing only one of those whimsically-named horses to win ($2 bet), choose two horses to win and place ($5 bet). Both horses happen to be long shots. When you win on this mistake, because it was a long shot, you'll make much more than you would have if you'd proofread better.

4. Stop betting when you've lost the amount in #1 and split your winnings, laughing hysterically.

Winning at greyhound races (aka, My Mother's Method)

1. Observe the dogs before the race. 

2. Bet on the one who has decided to relieve himself before the race. He won't have to worry about that and will run faster as a result.

3. Collect your winnings. (Thanks, Gentleman Jim!)

Finding potential dates or breaking ice with strangers

1. Acquire an adorable puppy and take it for walks. You will never lack for potential dates (even if you are married and uninterested in dating). Even your dog will make play dates for the dog park. You'll meet all your neighbours.

You're welcome.

"May Be More Wondered At..."

 

Yesterday's total solar eclipse reminded me of Shakespeare's Henry IV, Part 1:

Yet herein will I imitate the sun

Who doth permit the base contagious clouds

To smother up his beauty from the world

That, when he please again to be himself,

Being wanted, he may be more wondered at

By breaking through the foul and ugly mists

Of vapours that did seem to strangle him.

Toronto got only 99.9% totality and the sun was mostly playing peek-a-boo with the clouds.

We studied the exact location of the sun at 2 pm, 3 pm, and 4:30 pm on Sunday which, ironically, was cloudless and bright to see whether we could just look out the window at the condo. Going out to the terrace would have been ideal, but it's now inaccessible because I can't schlep a walker over the steps and Michael's mobility isn't up to doing the steps without at least a railing. Because the sun was so high in the sky at those times, we needed an unobstructed view.

So we went to the nearby mall's parking lot, facing south and west. Lots of other people had the same idea. But, mostly, the "base contagious clouds" obstructed our view.

The sky looked as if there was a thunder storm on the way and the parking lot's automatic lights turned on because it was so dark. We were wearing jackets but noticed a chill in the air. For a few seconds the clouds parted and I glimpsed the sun through my eclipse glasses, but that was it.

Some places in downtown Toronto got to see the show. Here are some photos from CP24 (Canadian tv news channel):

https://www.cp24.com/photo-galleries/solar-eclipse-in-ontario-1.6837669

How to Multi-task Successfully

I thought I was no good at multi-tasking until last Thursday morning, when I had to 

keep one eye on my cellphone to read texts from the Instacart deliverer,

keep one eye on my landline to answer an important phone call, and

keep one eye on the kettle, waiting for it to boil so I could finish making breakfast.

 

Timeless

 A couple of weeks ago I slept with my watch on  accidentally broke my watch's metal band.

This should not have been a problem because I always slept with my watch on own three other beautiful watches:

1. My grandfather's pocket watch, a true art deco antique, which I wore on a gold chain for my wedding as my "something old." All I have to do is wind it and the thing keeps on ticking. Just like in the Timex commercials! However, you have to wind it at least 50 times. Who has the time for that?

2. My father's watch. It works fine when you wind it, but the clasp doesn't work and I was afraid I'd lose it.

3. Another watch which I thought worked but never wear. I found out why I don't wear it. It must have died in the drawer a while ago, neglected and lonely. I put it in the donation box in the recycling room.

So I took my watch to the jewellery store in the mall to send to the manufacturer to fix. This was right before Christmas. I had to wait 10 days to get it back.

Ten days of not being able to time how long something cooked. (Needless to say, I forgot to update the oven clock every time the power went off so it was hopelessly wrong.)

Ten days of not knowing how late I was for anything.

At first it was frustrating and I had to find various ways to work around it.

I put my (working) father's watch on the bathroom counter.

I turned on the tv even if I wasn't interested in the program, just to check the time in the upper right corner.

I asked M what time it was. Constantly.

However, there were advantages to being Timeless.

As long as I didn't have any appointments that day, I could just relax and go at a more leisurely pace.

Sure, I was still busy all day. (I'm the equivalent of a personal support worker to my husband.) There was laundry, dishes, and meals and medications to prepare.

But I forgave myself if I didn't do all the chores.

I kicked out the voice of the Mean Home Ec Teacher who lived in my head, criticizing me. She was (and probably still is) a perfectionist. Well, I didn't need to be.

I decided that there would be a new way to do things. I asked myself:

- Must I do this? (If not, forget it!)

- If so, must I do this NOW? (If not, I'll postpone and do something else. Something fun.)

- If I need to do this NOW, how can I break it into manageable little pieces?

It was a revelation. I'm much more relaxed now that MHET has been evicted. I even somehow found the time to write and submit a few short non-fiction pieces. 

I have my watch back now.

But I hope the new me I discovered when I was Timeless will remain.

Time is on my side.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oSRvcdlgSI

 

Season's Greetings to

 everyone! Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate, and Happy New Year!

All my blog readers. All five of you.

People who are just browsing and found my site by mistake. Welcome!

Friends and family checking out my blog.

Everyone, that is,

EXCEPT

our doctor who chose to take the holiday week off, along with all the secretaries and nurses,

leaving M without two important prescriptions!

👎

Bah, humbug!

My New Year's Surprise

Something remarkable happened to me the first night of Rosh Hashana.

I arrived home from visiting M in rehab about 6:30 and discovered that both of the two elevators of our condo were out of service. Because I use a walker and can't schlep it up six flights of stairs, I was stuck in the lobby. I kept asking the concierge when the repair person was coming and was told, "Soon." 

By 8:30 I was getting hungry. The concierge, who had stayed past her official quitting time, told me that someone was having a party in the party room. She asked them whether I could have something to eat because I was stuck downstairs and was hungry. They said okay and I crashed the party.

The party was a family of four, eating a catered meal. When they said, "Actually we're having our first night of Rosh Hashana meal," I smiled. 

"That's what I should be doing, too. My husband is finishing some physiotherapy in rehab* and I was visiting him."

They had plenty of food, a  mind-boggling variety. Vegetarian or meat. Gluten or gluten-free. With nuts or without nuts. All kosher--I'm not--and all absolutely delicious.

My neighbours, whom I was meeting for the first time, were charming as well as gracious. I left after half an hour, refused their offer of taking some leftovers, and thanked them.

I only wish that M could have been there, too, to share my special Rosh Hashana surprise.

* a long, evolving story, which I won't go into here