Monday, March 26, 2012

To-Do List for EBWW 2012

My husband, M, and I are getting ready for the 2012 Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop in April.

Here's my To-Do List:

1. Help M sort through his original humour files to find the funniest jokes for his standup comedy gig.

2. Be his audience while he rehearses.

3. Time his routine. We don't know how long his routine will be this year, so that's a problem. We're assuming it's the same as in 2010, three minutes.

4. Learn how to use the video camera component of my Blackberry to record his comic genius.

5. Lose  20 pounds. Buy new clothes.

6. Think funny.

7. Breathe.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Leash Dance!

Today he turns 11, but he still believes he's a puppy!


Dance with your leash, Echo! Your birthday present will arrive next week.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ECHO!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Fun and Inspiring Links

Some interesting links found here and there in the blogosphere: Kelly Barson, author of the upcoming YA novel, 45 Pounds, is featured on the Friday The Thirteeners blog today. Kelly is also a member of my critique group, the Feathered Pens.
She reveals her most embarrassing moment! It's okay, Kelly, we won't tell anyone...


Next, a big congrats to Donna Gephart, whose MG novel, Olivia Bean, Trivia Queen, was released today!


The inspiring story of how Kathryn Stockett, author of the bestselling novel, The Help (which was made into an Academy-Award-nominated movie), was rejected by 60 agents. Her 61st query letter netted her an agent, and her agent sold her novel and the film rights soon after.


*****


A story that I read, probably in "Writer's Digest" years ago, or perhaps in King's memoir, On Writing, that still inspires me when I need a morale boost: Stephen King, after hundreds of rejections, sold his novel, Carrie, to Doubleday. He answered the phone call from the editor on his neighbour's phone because he was too poor to have his own phone line. After signing the contract, the editor wanted to know whether King had any other novels to show him. King replied, "What about those other 17 novels you rejected?"*
* a rough paraphrase of what I remember reading.



Finally, a story about Margaret Atwood, which I may have read in The Red Shoes: Margaret Atwood Starting Out, a biography about her, or perhaps it was in "Writer's Digest." Atwood decided to self-publish her first book of poetry, The Circle Game, which went on to win The Governor General's Award. Later she received a phone call from Jack McClelland of McClelland & Stewart, at that time Canada's largest book publisher. He asked her whether she had written any novels for his consideration. She said something like, "What about that novel I sent you two years ago that never received a reply?"* *again, a paraphrase McClelland dug her manuscript of The Edible Woman out of the slush pile on the floor, read it, and published it, to much acclaim. It became a best seller and was the start of her astonishing career as a literary novelist.


Have a good day and happy writing!

Monday, March 12, 2012

Mercury Lament

Mercury Lament
by Barbara Etlin


When Mercury's in retrograde
it always foils me. It will raid
creativity and cause cascade
of brain. And all the plans I've made
to write will go askew. I wade

through computer repairs,
Blue Screen of Death.

My fancy new mouse doesn't roar
and I don't know what good it's for
(It sure won't move the cursor.)
I feel as though I'm slogging through
a prehistoric swamp of gore.
(I notice that my rhymes become
progressively worser.)

Though Skype is free I'd gladly trade
for working speakers that don't fade
when Mercury's in retrograde.

Copyright Barbara Etlin 2012, all rights reserved

Monday, February 20, 2012

Where have all the bookstores gone?






On my recent vacation to Monterey and Carmel, I was dismayed by the lack of good bookstores in the area. I had packed lightly and, as usual, planned to buy a few paperbacks for my vacation. Monterey is the home of a jazz festival and Carmel is an affluent, very artistic city. I'm sure lots of writers and readers live in the area.

Monterey used to have a large bookstore about a block from my hotel. It was gone. There was a small independent religious bookstore in Monterey--not what I wanted. On Cannery Row, there was a used bookstore with not much selection.

Carmel used to have a lovely independent bookstore near or on Ocean Avenue, the main street. (I remember it had a kangaroo in the window with paperback books in her pouch!) It was gone.

I used Google to find an independent bookstore, River House Books, down the highway from Carmel, in a shopping centre. I found two books that interested me, both non-fiction, and M found one. M would have preferred to buy a SFnovel but they didn't carry genre fiction, only literary novels.

Thanks for saving my sanity, River House Books!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Life is a Song Lyric (example #1)

INT.
Breakfast table.


Me: Whenever John [renovator] does the slightest thing
here, the whole condo ends up full of dust.

Husband: All we are is dust in the wind.


Sunday, February 12, 2012

Something Is Rotten

Something Is Rotten

by Barbara Etlin



life is too short
for flossing three times a day

no, I still haven't given up
my addiction to Diet Pepsi

my lack of fresh cavities
is not an invitation
for you to renovate my mouth

although you say
dentistry is not an exact science
(but if I botch it the first time
I'll give a 10% discount
on the second try)

I still believe
temporary or permanent paralysis
is unacceptable

unwaivered
unwavering
I leave
with two unanswered questions

what exactly did you learn
in four years of dentistry school
if it wasn't science

and what makes you think
I'd ever come back
for a second try

Copyright 2012 Barbara Etlin, all rights reserved